When you first take that step and end up in a relationship with someone, everything is beautiful. You love each other, your sex life is great, and you just can’t stop thinking about them when they aren’t around. All of that is beautiful and lovely, and a big reason why a lot of people crave the feeling of being in a new relationship. Sorry to burst your naive bubble, but this chemical feeling of romance is just that, chemical. Its called the Honeymoon stage. Although it is lovely, and you wish this feeling would last forever, it won’t. Then you may or may not be stuck with someone that drives you insane, but you love them way too much to let them go.
They’re difficult, exhausting, painful and sometimes not at all worth the sweat, blood and tears.
And sometimes they are.
Relationships suck because people don’t know how to communicate their needs properly. Half of failed relationships end up that way because of a lack of healthy communication. Although most couples are aware of this fact, they are incapable of putting healthy communication standards into their daily vocabulary. Or they attempt to and end up falling back into old patterns and forgetting about what they’ve learned altogether. So here are ways that relationships suck, and ways we can get around the sucky suckness of bad communication habits and ultimately build a better relationship.
We’re Both Mad and Neither of Us Want to Apologize!
This is one that I come across weekly in my own relationship, and I witness in the relationships of friends and family. Someone says something insulting, or rude, a fight ensues, and both people end up with their feelings hurt and their egos too swollen to communicate and apologize. How do we get past this?
Someone needs to be the bigger person and extend the olive branch. If both people are too angry or egotistical to apologize nothing will ever improve. Neither person will feel heard and neither person will get what they need to move on and let go of their resentment toward the other person. Once you extend that olive branch, allow both people to have a go at what they are feeling and why they feel that way. Talk it out until both people can come to some sort of mutual understanding.
I Can’t Ask For What I Want Without Them Thinking I’m Attacking Them!
People are naturally defensive individuals. Make sure you’re wording things that don’t point fingers or illicit blame. Make sure you are coming from an area of feeling rather than telling people what they’ve done wrong. There is nothing wrong with asking for what you want, but do it in a way that doesn’t disrespect or demean the other person. You can easily ask for what you want without the other person feeling like they’ve done something wrong.
We Can’t Talk Without Screaming!
Then walk away. Sometimes it’s okay to let each other cool off and promise to come back to the argument at a later time. You don’t want to sweep it under the rug and let it pile up with the rest of your resentments, but sometimes you just don’t have the right mind to talk something out, and that’s perfectly okay. Being able to walk away during an argument takes a lot of restraint and you shouldn’t feel ashamed if you need to get a breather before continuing the conversation.
I Said I’m Sorry But They’re Still Upset!
Sometimes sorry isn’t enough. I go through this in my personal relationship all the time. We are still attempting to learn each other’s apology language, so we can apologize in a way our partner understands and ultimately accepts. I mentioned the 5 Love Languages in a previous article, and they also do the 5 Apology Languages. Check them out and find out what your apology language is, that way you can be apologized to in a way you understand, and your partner can get the same.
How Do We Move On After A Fight?
After a fight, it’s good to take a second and think to yourself…”Is this big enough to break us up?” If the answer is yes, or you’re uncertain, then you have to take a moment to think about that. Relationships are hard and people fight, but that doesn’t mean that you should give it all up. The best way to move on after a fight is to make sure you both feel heard. Once you’ve accomplished that, you can both apologize in the language that your partner understands, and agree to do better next time.